This Week's Tips:

How do you think having a child with ASD has affected your relationships with your family members and what are some positive ways your family has learned to adapt?

My family has come to realize that my child is unique and they love him for that uniqueness.
- Mother, Lives in Wisconsin
- Child: Son; 8 years old; Diagnosis: Autistic Disorder; Age at Diagnosis: 5 years old;

I feel my family is closer now. They are all supportive and have even taken sign language to do what ever it is they can to help. My brother sent me a beautiful letter when I was having a bad spell. It really showed me that they care and I’m not alone.
- mother, Lives in Ohio
- Child: Son; 2 years old; Diagnosis: PDD-NOS; Age at Diagnosis: 1 year old;

Unfortunately Kayla’s dad and I ended in divorce. Much of the basis came from extreme social differences, poor communication, lack of involvement, and the burden that I felt in managing all of Kayla’s care. I had very little time for pleasurable activities, and really was in the spiral of hopelessness and feeling as though life as I knew it was over. My future seemed destined to only be Kayla’s caregiver and being able to do anything of pleasure was not an option. However, what I have found is that having a partner that is side-by-side with you and is as into what is happening with your children as you are alleviates the overwhelming sense of hopelessness that can come with a special needs child. Having a partner that can roll with change, can help to adapt family activities, and
- Mother, Lives in Michigan
- Child: Daughter; 9 years old; Diagnosis: Pervasive Development Disorder; Age at Diagnosis: 3 years old;

At first my mother-in-law did not want to admit Ethan was autistic. She said a lot of things without thinking. Then Ethan had a major meltdown when he was at the library with her. Not only did she stop talking without thinking, but she also seemed to appreciate our family and what we are going through a little more. Our families have learned so much about autism that they also have helped family and friends in similar situations.
- Mother, Lives in Wisconsin
- Child: Son; 3 years old; Diagnosis: Autistic Disorder; Age at Diagnosis: 2 years old;

My other children have learned to recognize sensory defensiveness in other children. They too have become more accepting of the kids at school who might be perceived as annoying or odd. My five-year old daughter came home crying because a boy at school yelled in her ear, and it was very upsetting to her. My six-year old son said, “I think when kids do that sort of thing, it’s only because they want to be friends, and they just don’t know how to.” I was almost in tears with pride for him. He has figured out, at age six, what many adults can’t figure out. My daughter, then eight, used to write “updates” on her autistic brother’s progress or struggles, and have me give them to the Birth to Three therapists when they came while she was at school. It made her feel connected, when she couldn’t be there. And the therapist was always good about letting all the kids know how much they were helping my son by caring so much about him. Sometimes going to organized functions is difficult for my autistic son, so when I know that it will be too much for him, I see if my mother can take the older kids. Things like library story-hour, and after-school activities are too much for my autistic son. This gives grandma a great way to spend time with the kids, and they still get to do the fun stuff that I can’t take along their brother for.
- Mother, Lives in Wisconsin
- Child: Son; 3 years old; Diagnosis: Autistic Disorder; Age at Diagnosis: 2 years old;

The family understands our son’s quirks. A lot of what he does seems funny to them, so they think he’s absolutely adorable (which, of course, he is anyway!). They know sometimes he needs to be alone and in a quiet place for awhile when things get overwhelming for him.
- Mother, Lives in Wisconsin
- Child: Son; 3 years old; Diagnosis: PDD-NOS; Age at Diagnosis: 2 years old;

The unknown is scary. My family members had to learn about autism, and learn that my son is the way he is because of it. They have noticed great changes throughout his therapy. I think that it has helped my family learn that this can happen to anyone and that whether you want to deal with it or not—it’s there.
- Mother, Lives in Wisconsin
- Child: Son; 7 years old; Diagnosis: Autistic Disorder; Age at Diagnosis: 4 years old;

At times, it has been isolating. You quickly learn to tell people that if they cannot be part of the solution then they are part of the problem and they need to get out of your way! Fortunately, most people (friends and family) are very understanding and want to help.
- Mother, Lives in Michigan
- Child: Son; 7 years old; Diagnosis: Pervasive Development Disorder; Age at Diagnosis: 2 years old;

We just know that if our son may be uncomfortable in a situation we will have to deal with it and help him be comfortable.
- Mother, Lives in Wisconsin
- Child: Son; 7 years old; Diagnosis: Asperger Snydrome; Age at Diagnosis: 4 years old;

We are a very tight family. The extended family is a sounding board for our problems. They have some “out there” ideas from time to time. We are all much more in tune to the issue and no longer think of autism as the kids who sit in the corner and rock or bang their heads on the floor. We see it as just another quirk to work with.
- Mother, Lives in Wisconsin
- Child: Son; 13 years old; Diagnosis: PDD-NOS; Age at Diagnosis: 5 years old;

Everyone learned sign language.
- Mother, Lives in Wisconsin
- Child: Son; 4 years old; Diagnosis: PDD-NOS; Age at Diagnosis: 2 years old;

My family, especially my sisters, understand and sometimes are shocked at what my world is like, at the problems I have to face both at school and at home. We have become more close, as we all have children and grandchildren in our lives. We try to support each other and help each other raise our children together to be good people, when they grow up. The strategies I learn in dealing with behaviors in my child are also used in raising their children, and their children are growing up to be considerate of those less fortunate than they are. The children are learning social problem-solving techniques. I am also learning how others react to my suggestions and when they come up to a problem and how close-minded they can be.
- Mother, Lives in Wisconsin
- Child: Son; 9 years old; Diagnosis: Asperger Syndrome; Age at Diagnosis: 3 years old;

In some ways, having a child with ASD is hard on the family. He gets more attention, and sometimes is allowed to “get away with” more than the other children, which they naturally resent. In fact, my younger son sometimes tries to do things his older autistic brother does. This may be to get attention or because he thinks that’s the proper way to act. It is also difficult for my husband and me to spend quality time together, which has caused us to grow apart a bit. Our focus is so much on keeping our son safe, especially when we are out together as a family, we hardly feel like a couple at times. Our children are a little older, and have matured some, so that we don’t have to have our eyes on them every minute. So we are trying to find ways to do things together during the day to keep our relationship strong. I also see my other son and daughter trying to adapt their play to include their brother. Often they will set aside what they may want to do so that they can join him in what he’s doing.
- Mother, Lives in Wisconsin
- Child: Son; 8 years old; Diagnosis: Autistic Disorder; Age at Diagnosis: 2 years old;

Some difficulties are just not being able to do certain things. It’s hard for us to go out to eat as a family or to church. We try to pick things that we can all enjoy together without putting a strain on the family or our son.
- Mother, Lives in Wisconsin
- Child: Son; 5 years old; Diagnosis: Autistic Disorder; Age at Diagnosis: 2 years old;

I don’t think anyone in my family really “gets it”...they think it is cool that our son is savantly brilliant and they treat him like a game, i.e., quizzing him on geography, maps, math, etc. just to amaze themselves and their friends. Most don’t understand how hard it is and how hard we continue to work. It is a little frustrating for me but I don’t bother to express it to anyone because they couldn’t possibly understand.
- Mother, Lives in Michigan
- Child: Son; 8 years old; Diagnosis: Asperger Syndrome; Age at Diagnosis: 2 years old;

With some family members we know that you can’t really discuss it and get any understanding. Others are the opposite. Some ask questions—some don’t. We always appreciate those who try to understand and offer help, whether it’s babysitting or getting out special toys that they know our son will be comfortable with at their house.
- Father, Lives in Wisconsin
- Child: Son; 5 years old; Diagnosis: High-functioning Autism; Age at Diagnosis: 3 years old;

We had both supportive and negative feedback from our families. We felt put on trial for our parenting and that we were parenting wrong. It was hard for them to accept that there was anything really different about our Son. We have also been gifted with great support by other members of our family. My sister and brother-in-law have been a great source of support and are there when we need respite care as well as emotional support. We have been able to become closer to them and have even found traits that are similar in one of their children. We have learned to do things differently and have been accepted for what changes need to take place.
- Mother, Lives in Michigan
- Child: Son; 4 years old; Diagnosis: PDD-NOS; Age at Diagnosis: 4 years old;

It has come out that members of our families suspected something before our son’s diagnosis. There is some conflict as a result. We wish they would have asserted themselves and helped us understand that he was different. He was our first-born. We didn’t know he was not typical.
- Father, Lives in Ohio
- Child: Son; 2 years old; Diagnosis: Autistic Disorder; Age at Diagnosis: 2 years old;

Most of my family has not adapted. I guess that has been a difficult part for me. Although it has opened my eyes to see people for who they really are. They mostly just stay away. I think they fear I will ask for help financially or otherwise.
- Mother, Lives in Florida
- Child: Son; 6 years old; Diagnosis: Autistic Disorder; Age at Diagnosis: 2 years old;

Our family members love each other more than I ever thought possible. We have all become patient people. I know that my house will never be straight and I have accepted that.
- Mother, Lives in Wisconsin
- Child: Son; 7 years old; Diagnosis: Autistic Disorder; Age at Diagnosis: 2 years old;

I moved back in with my parents so that everything that is needed for my son can be accomplished. As a result, my son now has three doting adults to keep him challenged. With divorce rates for couples with children with disabilities over 85%, extended family can become an amazing support.
- Mother, Lives in Wisconsin
- Child: Son; 3 years old; Diagnosis: Autistic Disorder; Age at Diagnosis: 2 years old;

My parents just don’t understand just how different he is and are always telling me I should be toilet training him, etc. My husband’s parents are very supportive and baby-sit and interact one-on-one with him. I am very glad we have them to count on for support.
- Mother, Lives in Michigan
- Child: Son; 3 years old; Diagnosis: Autistic Disorder; Age at Diagnosis: 2 years old;

It put a great strain on the family. Medically I have had failing health due to the sleeplessness because of my son’s lack of need of sleep.
- Mother, Lives in Wisconsin
- Child: Son; 15 years old; Diagnosis: Asperger Syndrome; Age at Diagnosis: 4 years old;

It has been a strain on our marriage, at times, but it has strengthened us as well. Our overall family relationships have been strengthened.
- Mother, Lives in Wisconsin
- Child: Son; 5 years old; Diagnosis: Autistic Disorder; Age at Diagnosis: 2 years old;

My other child is a six-year old girl, and she doesn’t understand her brother’s disability. My wife has been in denial about Chris’s disability for many years, and I’m not certain she even now accepts it.
- Father, Lives in Wisconsin
- Child: Son; 10 years old; Diagnosis: PDD-NOS; Age at Diagnosis: 3 years old;

Stress with my husband and stress on my other children. My children now know that all people are different and to accept them the way they are.
- Mother, Lives in Nevada
- Child: Son; 9 years old; Diagnosis: Autistic Disorder; Age at Diagnosis: 2 years old;

My sister and I have always been close and are now even closer. My family knows that when we come to visit, our younger son needs to be watched closely to prevent running off, and they all help.
- Mother, Lives in Wisconsin
- Child: Son; 11 years old; Diagnosis: Autistic Disorder; Age at Diagnosis: 2 years old;

This has been a tough one for me. I didn’t feel very welcome when visiting my brother’s and sister’s home...they seemed so worried my kids would destroy their house. I must admit that as young children Celeste and Kristof did destroy my house. I was reluctant to take them anywhere since it had become such a hassle. We became socially isolated. I have accepted the fact my family will never likely understand autism or my kids. I don’t harbor bitterness or grudges anymore. I just accept it. Celeste and Kristof don’t care. I don’t have much to offer here.
- Father, Lives in Wisconsin
- Child: Daughter; 13 years old; Diagnosis: Autistic Disorder; Age at Diagnosis: 2 years old;